All in good time

I'm feeling a little extra lonely lately. It could be because two of my closest friends are moving this summer. It could be that the recent visit from my mother has just ended. It could be that I haven't visited my family since Christmas. It could also be that I've been watching classic love stories all day long. There's just no telling. :)

I am feeling more anxiety than I ever have in regards to my future. I feel I have planned for and organized everything within my control for the next 5 years in regards to my education and my career. I am proud that I have discovered my true passion and I am thankful to have the opportunities that allow me to follow it. I am prepared and excited to reach those goals and to make new ones as I progress in my life.

Part of my anxiety stems from my passion and desire to have a family. I can't help but think that life never really begins until you find someone to share it with. I have been given the opportunity to discover myself and to perfect the person I am so that I am happy and healthy as I move forward in life. I have no doubt that things will fall into place for me - it's all just a matter of time. Patience is not something I have, but I am content that everything will come in due time. I have been working diligently on myself over the past year and I continue to discover, acknowledge and make sense of who I am and who I want to be, not just in general, but as a wife and possibly even as a mother. So many of my close friends and family are settling down and starting families that it's hard not to feel like I'm falling behind. I have to constantly remind myself that I am only 22 and it will come to me when I am ready. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm ready to be ready.

As much as I'd like to make changes to further develop my independence and to nurture the woman I want to become, I think staying put will be good for me. My life is constantly undergoing change and I don't think that's what I need right now. I need something solid, I need progress, I need accountability and stability - I need focus. In a nutshell, I don't want to move. Anywhere. I want to stay put and dig in my heels.

I realize I have more work to do, but I think it's time for a list. I need to feel a sense of accomplishment, otherwise I'm just an old maid.

+Solidify my faith by going to church, praying/meditating, making sense of the world around me from a spiritual perspective.
+Investigate and acknowledge my anger issues and work through it. It will not be a lifelong struggle for me.
+Begin writing my book about my journey of self discovery and my search for love.
+Continue to lead an active and healthy lifestyle. I want to try new things, be open, be adventurous and create, and continue to push myself to test my limits.
+Be green and help the environment.

I know every person in my life is here for a reason and will either teach me something or learn something from me. I have surrounded myself with beautiful, nurturing people and I have no doubt that I will get support from all of you. I appreciate every one of you and am thankful to have you in my life. I am lucky for knowing you. I hope you will still be with me when I accomplish all that I set out to accomplish and I wish the same for you in your life. I love you.

Tell me about the things you wish to accomplish in your life.

"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them." ~Rainer Maria Rilke